Babies, Get Back!
by flyingpiggies
Summary: The Titans are miraculously turned into babies and Raven plays babysitter...
1. Goin' Gaa, Gaa

Okay, you know me, getting inspiration from all these movies and what not. From within the pinkish folds of my brain, spring forth:

**Babies, get back! **

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"Yoo Hoo...Come out, come out, wherever you are..." Cyborg sighed, raising his scanners like some alien flashlight as they searched (the sleeping) Raven's hallway for signs of the green evil, a non-bath-taking perpetrator of wrongs. He hated chores. And his job was the worst. It was worse than any household duty…dish washing…toilet scrubbing…licking Robin's boots…It could even make moody girl quake in her blue boots, it was…

"Yo, Gar! You're stinkin up the joint. FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE COME HERE AND TAKE YOUR BATH!" When suddenly, his locator picked up a radioactive signal...

BOOM!

Flaming asparagus mushroom chow-mien, smelly-checkered knee socks, and an elusive rubbery plunger burst, exploding in green light. "Odious Gordanian atrocity! Monstrosity of stale ludicrous, spuriously foul bogus! Pesky hatbox of rodents! BEAST BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WILL FEED YOU TO A CLORBAG SLUG, HORRID SHOE-RUINER!" Star-zilla's scaly lizard-tongue shot balls of green fire, as she clutched the charred, slimy remains of the world's tallest boot.

"Heh...Garfield Logan's my name, don't wear it out...Take a number please!!!!!!!!!" Green feathers of the Mongolian mongoose's waddled tail suffered greatly as he yelped. Seconds later, a bald ostrich hopped down the hall, shouting. "Sorry about your boot, Kory! Um...I run out of tissues? RUN AWAY!"

Cyborg chuckled, it looked like Starfire had found Beast Boy first. At least he had a built-in shovel handy for digging up Gar's corpse. In some ways, it made the whole personal hygiene issue much easier, just dump him in the pink and patiently waiting bubble bath! Ah, the woes of a superhero..."Ok, dude. You gonna come quietly, or is this gonna get loud?"

Beast Boy, green Argentinean llama, gurgled. "You'll never catch meeeeeeeeeeeeee! Resist the power of cleanness!"

"You are un-forgiven!" Starfire's eyes glowed, rippling as the bald-spotted platypus shrieked in terror. Cy shook his head, howling like a werewolf before a full-moon (except with giggles)...Well, he would have if not for that menacing hernia he was experiencing as he whipped out the deformed washing machine which had been distorted and mangled in several previous escapades. "Yeah, yeah...You're the soy cube man. Eat TIDE laundry detergent, you soap-shunning scum!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! IT BURNS MY EYES!" Beast Boy morphed into a lion, trying to out-run the sputtering pink suds when a door slid open and he knocked into some cape wearing freak—i.e. the _sleeping_ demoness—landing with a thud. Waving his arms madly, he screamed. "I'M MELTING!!!! ALAS, ALL IS IN VAIN FOR NOTHING CAN WASH AWAY MY BIG, BAD SELF!!!"

"Yeah, man...Your big, bad, tofu-burrito spewing self." Cyborg rolled his eyes, gagging on the flower scent of Gar's special lice-removing-soap from the previously observed catastrophe.

"ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Star and her vengeful boot blasted Gar with a powerful green blast, spewing green flames as lightning smashed the stampeding rhino into a particularly weak wall. Groaning, Beast Boy stumbled, his knees wobbling as Raven's room to caved from Star's energy blast. "Shh! Are you guys trying to get us killed?? KORY! You just blew up moody girl's room," He moaned, panicking. "She's gonna kill us!"

"Eeep!" Starfire's eyes lost their eerie glow, "Surely we must make amends with our friend's room before she returns! Raven shall be most angry!"

"Too late." Dark girl narrowed her eyes darkly, "Heads will roll...."

"Whoa, since when did we get an executioner?" Robin laughed nervously as all three of the guilty Titans screamed bloody murder.

Raven hissed, growling. "Since I live with a bunch of IMMATURE BRATS!"

"Well...First thing's first. Beast Boy needs his bath, how long is his record now? A month without showering?" Trying to keep peace, the dark-haired leader pinched his nose, thanking lord almighty for his elastic gloves as he lifted a large pair of tongs, clamping an edge of Beast Boy's shirt and throwing him in the tub. Raven wrinkled her nose disdainfully and stalked off.

"Smells like it."

"Yeah...About that..." Robin grabbed her arm, "Look Raven, is something bothering you?" He shivered under her icy glare as Beast Boy howled the chorus of his favorite shower song: 'EVERYBODY LOVES TOFU-MUNCHING!'

Tim sweat-dropped. "Er…Sorry, that was a stupid question. Ok, rephrase: Is something bothering you besides the fact that Beast Boy and flyingpiggies are about to be sued by the Karate Kid song writers?"

"Who's flyingpiggies?" Raven arched an eyebrow. "Are you hallucinating again?"

"Hmm…I don't know. Back to the script!…So, are you okay?"

"Yes, everything's fine! JUST FINE!" She snapped, red eyes smearing. "NOW…LET…ME…DIE…IN…PEACE…"

Robin winced as the toaster exploded in black flames, spitting out charred soy waffles. "Oh! I apologize, toast-warmer, dear friend! Mayhap you require a funeral hymn?" Starfire clasped her hands, shrieking mournful wails of sorrow, all 5637589 verses from the Tamaranian 'Requiem of Regret,' her eulogy for the maker-of-waffle.

So the morning ended when Cyborg took a bite of the burnt toast, looking disgusted—"This is what that tofu stuff he rants about tastes like? BLEH!"—and promptly ran to puke.

Definitely not a good day for the Titans...All of which was topped with honking cherries galore when the H.I.V.E attacked.

"Stinkin' pit-sniffers, eat barf you dumb losers!" Gizmo laughed, firing his proton cannon as power blasts of semi-automatics shook the Tower. Cyborg stumbled as the floor rippled with yellow light, crumbling as the ceiling slammed down, tumbling pieces of rock.

"HAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Starfire's hands glowed green as they dissolved, melting as twin bolts of energy replaced them, crackling green fury. Dodging his lasers, Robin hurled the explosives, smashing Gizmo through the wall, the ground crumbling and shaking as yellow flames exploded in a ring of lava, tearing the ground in half.

"Nighty Night, bird brain." Mammoth's fist smashed through the door, backhanding Cyborg as he slammed Tim through the window and thirty stories below. Starfire screamed as glass rained down, making it pour with starbolts and throwing Mammoth backwards. Gizmo crawled to his feet, panting as he punched in controls to his computer backpack, sputtering with indignation as Cyborg landed a punch and tore through his systems. "Mega crud!"

"Feeling lucky?" Jinx's eyes rippled purple, exploding as smoke coiled in scarlet shadows. "ATTACK PATTERN: ALPHA!" Shards of rubble flashed purple, erupting into flaming waves of light, slamming into Cyborg as she fired a super-hex.

"What do you want, Jinx?" Robin shot towards her, the grappling hook yanking firmly in a loop around her waist, pulling him up from the ground floor with a series of punches and kicks. Struggling to pull off the rope, Jinx flipped through the air, cart wheeling, only to be buried by rubble, and flung down the stairs.

"Yeah, we already kicked your sorry little butts." Cyborg launched his neutron blasts, ripping through Gizmo's jetpack and sending him flying.

"We wanna rematch!" Mammoth swatted away Robin's bird-a-rang, catching the other in his hand and successfully giving himself frostbite as the freeze-disk exploded.

"You must be punished!" Green flames crashed, tumbling waves of starbolts as Star's eyes exploded in neon beams, glowing emerald. Strands of green smoke drifted, smashing Mammoth into cold concrete. Blasting Robin with a purple bolt of lightning, the Troika scattered as trickles of glass flashed dark violet, causing the ground to shake and swallow him whole. "Is that all you've got?"

The sorceress screamed as the floor rumbled and smoldered, dripping with trickles of green fire. Crashing through the hall, Jinx landed near the bathroom, yanking the tabs and facets from the sinks, desperately hurdling them towards Starfire who dodged, blasting them with green energy.

"Ok, that was not cool!" Poking open the shower curtain, Beast Boy yelped as he reached for soap bar. "AH! DUDES! Who flushed during my bath?" Noticing the now the browbeaten sinks, ravaged pipes, and the water flooding everywhere, he screamed, "TAKE COVER! RAVEN'S PMSING!!!!"

Not quite, Beast Boy. Not quite…

"YO, B.B!" Grabbing two of Gizmo's spidery appendages, Cyborg slammed him against the wall, dodging the midget's counterattack as missals and lasers took a chunk from the wall, crushing him. "I COULD USE SOME HELP YOU KNOW!" He roared, rolling to his side and catching a third spidery leg as a fourth stabbed into his back, ripping electrical wires, sending a pulse rippling through him. "GAR! GET YOUR SCRAWNY LITTLE ARSE OVER HERE!"

The aforementioned green evildoer emerged from the terror-ridden bathroom wearing a toga, singing. "I've got the music in me! Ooh, ooh, ooh! Wah-"

Gar morphed into a gorilla, slamming down both hands as Mammoth stomped his foot, pounding the green armadillo and trying to smash its head as his crab-nemesis scuttled away, clamping Mammoth's nose. Scampering across the floor, the genetically altered teen crawled after the hamster, lifting various objects and chucking them as Beast Boy bashed the sofas back with a mighty sweep of his tyrannosaurus-rex tail, sweeping him back and crashing through a series of painful walls.

"Crud! Stupid Cludgeheads, take some of this you snot munchers." All six spider legs from Gizmo's backpack had mutilated, each point bending and twisting as the metal liquefied, snaking around Starfire and slamming her with a punch from Mammoth as Jinx brought down the lights, smashing over her head.

"KORY!" Robin lashed out with a roundhouse kick, ducking between Mammoth's legs and he stepped over Gizmo's head and right into Jinx's super hex as he gripped her throat and smashed her face with two quick blows, sending her staggering to her knees, groaning.

"I'm gonna squash you like a bug." Mammoth stalked up behind Tim as he frantically dug through the rubble, lifting a large piece of ceiling, chucking it at Robin when suddenly, Mammoth screamed, smoky strands of black coiling around, wrapping him into a tight, suffocating cocoon. "…Thanks, Raven." Tim managed, weakly.

"No problem, Wonder Boy." Her pupils trickled scarlet as the windows exploded, twisting black flames of glass shards. Her fingers rippled, shaping a hand from smoke and winding about the Troika.

"SNOT BOOGERS!" Screaming, Gizmo's computer backpack glowed eerily before he shrieked in horror as it began spewing grenades. Jinx's hands tumbled with violet lightning, as the kitchen knives came flying out of nowhere and lodged themselves in her hair, smirking, she ducked. "You missed."

"Think again." Her eyes glowed a shade of red and the sorceress rose spinning fifty feet into the air, tumbling waves of lightning striking from the sky, flowing into Jinx. She screamed, black strands of shadow twisting as scarlet flames coursed through her. Raven's eyes narrowed into blue storms as Robin lifted a limp Starfire from the debris. "Pitiful…"

"Right," He replied worriedly as Starfire opened her eyes and struggled to stand. "I require some assistance…Tell me friends, did we triumph? Are we victorious? Horrendous anomaly!" She clamped a hand over her eyes," Beast Boy, I believe you have misplaced your earthen garment and are in need of proper coverings."

"What?" Beast Boy grinned cheekily, "What? What's everyone staring at?"

"I'll be scarred for life," Cyborg sighed and pointed to the cracked mirror. "Dude, I think you left something back in the bathroom."

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Garfield Logan screamed, realizing he was only wearing a towel. "Ok, nobody looks until I get my uniform!…Stupid flyingpiggies, this is character abuse! To the bathroom and away!"

"Oh, you're not going anywhere, Titans." Jinx raised a hand weakly, her hex blast flickering with cackles of lightning as she crumpled, the plaster chunks of ceiling above the door giving way and blocking the exits.

"Good, Now that all you barf brains are all here…TRY MY AGE-SHRINKING RAY FOR SIZE!" Gizmo rose unsteadily, aiming his newest gadget and shooting Cyborg, Starfire, and Beast Boy with one shot of the machinegun. "Scum buffer, eat my ray-gun, snot licking Goth girl and spandex-boy!"

"Raven, look out!" Pushing her out of the way, Robin snapped out a bird-a-rang, taking a hit from Gizmo's cannon, as Jinx slugged him, her nails clawing into his face with a point-blank hex. "Let's finish them off." Mammoth's fist smashed through the ceiling tearing a support beam as Robin groaned, smacking him out the window with an iron rod and punching him in his gut as he hurdled out from the tower.

"Robin!" Hissing, the ground around Raven erupted with violet fire as black lightning whirled, strands of smoke circling the Troika as a claw of energy dragged them, crushing Gizmo's ray gun and teleporting them into another dimension. Her pupils smeared crimson, black blades shaping as her eyes slicked trickles of crimson, slashing through the Tower. Trembling a pale red, Raven screamed, her anger fading as she felt a tug on her cape. "Goo, Goo, Gaa, Gaa.

Her hands still glowing with black energy, Raven whirled around, totally unprepared for what she saw.

A two-feet-tall Beast Boy was drooling over her shoes, while a mini-Cyborg tinkered with the game-station, ogling at the hand-controls. "NO MORE DELICIOUS EARTH CONDIMENT?" Raven ducked as a starbolt the size of a golf-ball blasted her hood off. Horrified, she found a tiny Starfire wailing in tears as she threw a temper tantrum, having discovered that her older self had finished all the mustard that morning. "GET MUSTARD!"

"Raven, hug!" Robin (also in his toddler form) sobbed, "Me wet!"

Not in _that_ way…From the looks of things, he landed in the lake.

"Stop, moving! Hold still…" Raven whirled around in a circle as the four toddlers ganged up on her, jumping her with crushing hugs, wrapping her with fluffy pink things (that was Starfire), and making spit wads from her favorite poetry book, pointing to a suspiciously dirty diaper (that was Beast Boy).

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" She cried in desperation finding that Robin had succeeded in attaching himself permanently on her foot. Meanwhile, Gar was tugging on her arm, pulling her away from Tim, which made the black-haired tot shriek with tears (which the only remedy was to scoop him up and _hug_ him).

Growling, Raven raised an eyebrow when the tiny Starfire was suddenly surrounded by some sort of purplish, foul-smelling liquid and started bawling her head off. And suddenly, the poor Tower exploded with a black mushroom cloud when Victor dipped his finger in crude oil, and stuck it in her ear, all the while shouting, "Willie wet! Willie wet!"

And so, Marcel of the local store was most surprised when Raven of the Titans herself called, saying something like, "I need a large bushel of diaper armed changing personnel. STAT!"

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Ah, honorable mention to ChocolateCurlz…my sanctified deity self most enjoyed the shrimp worshipping…

Crazy enough for you?


	2. Where's the love?

A/N: Addled, madcap authoress flyingpiggies proudly presents: **Where is the love?** Inspired by her dim-witted cheese/plotbunnies who have taken over the world! Much chaos to go around, if you please. Special mention to ChocolateCurlz, and an eulogy to her insulting kitchen table.

Dedicated to:

1)troubled-ego…may this chaos ease your troubled ego…most likely not though…Thanks for adding me to your favorites!

2) luvalot who keeps on telling me to write whatever I 'damn well please'. A little chaotic, but yes…

I would right mentions to every one of you all who reviewed, but unfortunately, my mahja is hankering at me to get off the computer. I'm a slave for my supplier of chocolate and allowance…Aren't we all?

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"Here comes the train: Chugga, chugga, chugga, chugga…" SUPER MOM Raven lifted the spoonful of tofu-mash, bitterly enthused by her endearing nametag, wondering how possibly she could further degrade herself. Refusing to make freight train tunnels for the soy cube express, Beast Beat wailed obstinately as she shoved baby food down his throat, "CHOO, CHOO!"

Oh yeah, that's how.

"Friend, delicious drink! Wherefore art thou, thy yellow condiment?" Marcel, employee of the month, bustled about as his perky self stacked fifteen empty mustard jars near the door. Raven rolled her eyes, his annoying geeky fanboy etiquette made him worship the ground the stinky toddlers treaded.

Unfortunately, he also accidentally brought hell to Titan's Tower…

Observe:

"Okay, babies. _Bath time_."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" As if a hockey mask wearing psychopathic serial killer had just said "Boo," evacuation maneuvers to safety commenced as an iniquitous green menace of the Titans was screaming his head off.

"No, no, no, no, no! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Beast Boy, raucously proclaimed diaper demon of mayhem, was unleashed from his thumb-sucking manifestation, hurling wrathful grapes of odious bodily fumes. His equivalent of tear-gas and exploding grenades.

"We're all going to die." The dark girl's sigh was masked by grim sarcasm. "It's been an honor."

"Lord have mercy!" Sobbing, Marcel of the local store, curled in a fetal position, whimpering. "I'M TOO YOUNG TO LEAVE THIS WORLD!"

Ripping and covered in gooey sludge, Raven's favorite depressing poetry books were consumed by the rampaging master of horrors, before churned out in their new happier forms…Spitballs. "BEAST BOY!!!! MUST…DIE…PAINFULLY…NO…MERCY…KILL…" Ignoring the erupting steam engines in her ears, her pupils flecked scarlet, trickles of crimson lightning twisting around, caging the little mischievous elf.

"No fair! You cheated! Cheater, cheater, pumpkin eater! Whoa—" Beast Boy howled as black strands of smoke smeared, dangling the little green terror by his ankle. Rippling black flames, Raven shaped a large paddle, quickly finding itself smacked on a dirty diaper. Pity for the paddle, I suppose. Pity for the game station, waffle iron, and elusive rubber plunger as they all met the same piteous fate.

"Imbecile." Disgusted, she eyed the curled up Marcel as the whirling storm of Edgar Allen Poe' spit wads died down. Wishing he would stop muttering 'the…horror…of…smelly…diapers…' she promptly called the local asylum, the receptionist saying something like, "Oh dear, there's a shortage of rooms, if you can imagine. So many wacko people these days. Marcel can share the room with ChocolateCurlz and her special chocoholic friends."

Watching the large sedating syringes of the asylum nurses, Raven hoped members of staff for the previously said local store had insurance and replacements, seeing as how Marcel wouldn't be returning to work anytime soon.

And just as they left, just as she was finally going to get some quiet…

"WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!"

Growling, Raven levitated some aspirin, wondering who in the right mind would go screaming idle expressions as seen above, mentally cursing the authoress. 'Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos… Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos…Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos…Do not blow up flyingpiggies…Do not blow up flyingpiggies…' Feeling a tug on her puked-on, chewed-on cape, she found herself thrown backwards as tiny Tim attached himself around her waist, stubbornly refusing to let go, "HUG! HUG! HUG!"

Meanwhile, mini Cyborg was bawling his heart out, having aimlessly searched for the mysteriously missing game station. He sulked, not seeing the imprint of a very familiar object, a paddle substitute, on the green demon's diaper. Clutching the hand-controls protectively, her tottered up to Raven, tears brimming in his eyes. "Ravey…the…game…station…is…AWAL…WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

'Azarath…Metrion…Zin-BOOM!' Stuffing two fingers in each ear, the telepath grimaced. Starfire's funeral shrine for the deceased warmer-of-toast liquefied, hissing as the plates of tofu-waffles erupted in black flames of charred soy, causing the smoke-alarms to go off.

"Great. More noise," Her pupils shook scarlet, eerie lightning ratting the kitchen cabinets, glass shattering and exploding in shards. The sprinkling systems set in, showering her with water before they burst into fire. Exploding, stands of shadow circled her, dark claws of energy smashing the poor coat-rack through her window, slamming ripples of green light as the menacing kitchen table was blasted into outer space.

Wait…She hadn't done the green lights blast table away trick…

Breathing with difficulty, she felt strands of black coiling, twisting into a hand and winding around the miniature Starfire who was blasting their furniture into the lake. Scarlet flames licked the ceiling as the sofa and coffee table bobbed contently in the water before being swallowed by a giant squid. No doubt Aqualad's idea of being funny.

"You require help!" Thinking that Raven _meant_ to chuck out all the furniture and feed the squid, Star twirled happily, floating. "I will also gorge the glutinous sea-monster!" And so piteous game station, waffle iron, and elusive rubber plunger sank to their watery graves, a most plentiful snack for our beloved squid friend. Full with the charred remains of a horrendous kitchen table, the sea monster's replenished stomach burped contently.

"HOORAY! WE ARE VICTORIOUS!"

"MUST K.O. GAME STATION KILLING FREAK!"

Robin and Beast Boy pounced on her, engaging in a sort of primitive tug-of-war where Raven's loss of limb clearly didn't matter.

"HUG, HUG, HUG!"

"SOY CUBE EXPRESS! CHOO, CHOO!"

Smearing a shade of eerie crimson, Raven's eyes glowed red, threatening to swallow the four cowering babies. "SILENCE! NO MORE PUKING! NO MORE HUG RAVEN! NO MORE WAH WHERE'S MY USELESS GAME STATION! NO MORE SHOOTING TABLES OUT OF THE WINDOW AND CALLING IT HELP! GO TO YOUR ROOMS! NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Twisting scarlet, her pupils flecked shadows as the windows shattered, exploding as she sank to the floor. Rising into the air, the table lamp withered, bending and twisting into a melted blob, exploding in one thousand shards. Seething, Raven glared at the dark-haired tot as Robin held up reasonably squashed roses in peace.

She twitched, "They're pink."

Cursing her dumb conscience and Tim's lost puppy-ish, I love you, please don't hurt me look, she lifted the flower gingerly to her nose. "…I _love_ pink." Somewhere between her jerky epileptic spasms, convulsive seizures, and a nose growing frenzy (in which the makers of Pinocchio would have wet their pants over), Raven sighed, giving two-feet-tall Robin a hug before rushing off to the commotion upstairs.

"Beast Boy appears to be choking. Oh, no…" Morosely snarling, her voice was cloaked in bitter sarcasm. Enough chaos had been done for her deepest desire to be picking up some random thing and stuffing it down her throat or maybe Cyborg's, who was wearing the I'm-guilty-and-deserve-to-be-stricken-down-by-lightning-so-help-me-god look. Surveying the damage, she watched amused, as Starfire attempted to give Gar the Heimlich Maneuver, her super strength nearly crushing his ribs.

Growing tired of Beast Boy turning even more green, Raven's eyes glowed white, telepathically lifting the piece of barbecued ribs from his esophagus, just in time for him to hurl all over her, screaming something like, "I'M A CANNIBAL!"

Following this trend, all three tiny tots caught Friday-night-throw-up-fever, pulling a fuming Raven's cape to cracked TV screen and beating their little fists when she refused to dance like Barney, their idol of a purple dancing dinosaur wonder.

And so, another chapter ends as this addled authoress runs away, in fear of being sent to another dimension like the accursed Gizmo, Jinx, and Mammoth by a very miserable Raven, whose is currently tied up and held hostage by a bunch of Teletubie fanatic toddlers.

Can't you feel their love?

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Can you believe it? I updated within four days! It's gotta be a record. Well, actually, I have to take a thirteen hour flight tomorrow and leave the comfort of my nice American home to go somewhere where there might not be internet access, which means of course no posting. So, that explains the uncharacteristic update rate. And my dear, tiara wearing ChocolateCurlz, please have an update the next time I check, it'll make me happy to see English again! Kudos to people who can guess where I'm going!


	3. Baby Shower

A/N: Edited Version. Taking a break from world domination long enough to grab a cookie. Also just because I was bored. 

A/N addendum: Slight warning for my potty-mouthed plotbunny and gruesomeness (blood and a hula dancing Beast Boy). Still a slave to my supplier of chocolate and allowance, though it's been revised to supplier of mosquito repellent and ice cream (still chocolate, of course).

Dedicated to all my nice reviewers, Raven A. Star and chicken butt (I CHOOSE YOU! Not pokemon!) in particular, thanks for your great comments. Dedicated also to "die mosquitoes die associations." Thanks for the bugs spray, luvalot.

Aquafish: Victor Stone is Cyborg's real name. Troika means group of three so it's a convenient substitute for HIVE, Tim Drake was one of the many Robins, and Kory is Starfire's adopted name. Her alien name was Koriandr, hence Kory Anders.

Later, our escapades find our beloved heroine foaming at the mouth, temple vein throbbing, and having some sort of epileptic fit. What in the name of dirty diapers has happened? Massaging her temples, Raven stood in horrified shock. Whatever possessed those insolent brats to destroy _her_ room?

Teletubies.

Barney.

Big Bird.

All fellow conspirators, who betrayed, schemed with four conniving little brats to do this!

Oh the horror, she should have let Dr. Light blind her when he had the chance. Anything but witness the annihilation of her dark abyss of a room and its gloomy shadows! Stupid booger faced, snot caked babies (and _why_ did she sound like Gizmo?)! They desecrated, defiled, pilfered and worst of all--Raven was greeted by tiny B.B hula dancing in _her_ bra, in _her _room--playeddress up.

With an extremely sour expression, she surveyed the damage.

Dancing yellow-feathered menaces, cookie crumb hogging vermin and nauseous messes of red fur pranced on her new bedspread. Suddenly, she remembered why she hated Big Bird and his associates (Cookie Monster and Elmo). THEY ATTACKED HER ROOM!

"God damn Sesame Street," she thought vehemently. "God damn age-shrinking rays and perverted, cross-dressing toddlers!" Strands of black emerged, dragging Teletubie toys to the chasms of oblivion. And then, among the horrid, odious Sesame Street bedspreads, tickle-me-Elmo dolls, and the resident hula-dancing pervert, she spotted it.

A singing Barney clock radio.

"Great." She croaked grimly, "Just what I need."

"I love you," The purple and green dinosaur that she abhorred sang, "You love me. We're a happy family with a--" Raven catapulted the evil singing clock to joins its evil Teletubie friends.

Unfortunately, Tim and Garfield rushed in to finish the song, "Great big hug here, Raven felt herself suffocating and a kiss from me to you and here, she was covered in doggy drool, won't you say you love me too?"

Somehow I don't think you'd believe me if darling Raven said, "Yes dearies. I love you with all my heart!" So instead she replied, "Oh yes, copulating cads whom I'll castrate if you don't GET OUT!¡" (Roughly translated: Get out fucking bastards, before I relieve you of your manhood.)

While the meaning of the threat was somewhat lost on them (Beast Boy because of that damn itchy grass skirt and his miniscule tolerance of big words, Robin because he was suffocating himself in her chest), they both understood "GET OUT". "Get out" meaning "to leave" and the capitalization meaning "under penalty of Supermom's wrath."

So they fled, parading in black silk bras and waving pantyhose banners. Who knew Raven wore pantyhose? Who knew Raven had a grass skirt? Well, enough pondering. Now stomp!

Stomp.

Stomp.

Stomp.

Three stomps led Raven to a room of messy diapers. No babies. Only enough infant stink bombs to eradicate a rampaging army of angry mongooses. Oh yes, and there were landmines. Lots and lots of landmines. Poopy landmines. Of course being our heroine, Raven just _happened_ to get her foot stuck...

"Stupid brats. Wait. JUST WAIT TILL I GET MY HANDS ON YOU!!!" And so an outpour of disgusting brown stuff is forever engraved in her memory. _That_ was when the spewing of unpleasant things originating from a mewling, cruddy baby's backside began.

Of all horrors...But worse was to become of her. Definitely much much worse. For when Raven finally reached the bathroom, her mournful wail came.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

There...was...no...shampoo...Only a nasty soy cubed based substitute, which was brown as a sickly disgusting puddle of mud. Did she dare dump that _stuff_ on her head? "Over my dead, infested body," She thought miserably. Cursing all organic sludge monsters pretending to be innocent bottles of shampoo, Beast Boy's beloved tofu joined Jinx, Mammoth, and Gizmo.

And while our antagonist of soy swears ghastly vengeance on all tofu ever coming into existence, more havoc is being wreaked elsewhere...

Low and Behold, the Amazing Mumbo!...Pulling a not-so-amazing bunny out of a not-so-amazing hat, a normally not-so-amazing hat.

Today, the said hat of the poor and rather wasted magician was brimmed to its frayed edges with diamonds. Strange how the police hadn't arrived. Surely after robbing the largest jewelry store and turning it into a stack of cards, you think they'd notice. For Pete's sake, is this where the taxpayers' money goes? On donuts and coffee? And who is this Pete?

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Waving his wand, Mumbo was quite off his rocker. Quite off, indeed. "Nosenuggets, my bunny! No more room for you. Out with you, I say. Get out of my hat! Be gone, ABRACADABRA!"

And with that, Mumbo gave the evicted bunny a good kick in the rear and sent it hopping. Now, besides being charged with animal abandonment and abuse of a particularly handsome white rabbit, he should have been condemned with thievery and jailed. But _where _are the police? And _what_ has befallen the Titans in this time of madness?

Honestly, dear reader, you know what has so terribly plagued the Titans. So take a look at the Jump City's police force instead.

Meet Assistant Commissioner Royd Bergren and the 54th division of Sector 7, C-15. Meet their charge, Miss Libuse Hudec, daughter of a Czechoslovakian ambassador, whom they are supposed to protect.

_"Supposed to"_ are keywords here because they are failing miserably.

C-15 of Sector 7 was analogous to Broadway of New York City, very prosperous. Most likely where annoyed grenades of gooey tomatoes and other miscellaneous veggies, surely all rotten of course, harass bad performers like Mumbo Jumbo. Superheroes can't do all the work, can they?

Yes, the critics and the police department are quite formidable, wielding their reviews and nightsticks. Critics could send the not-so-amazing Mumbo running for his mommy. On the other hand, the 54th division could only stand behind a barricade of police cars as a monster destroyed the East Side.

"HEADQUARTERS, THIS IS ASSISTANT COMMISSIONER ROYD BERGREN, OVER. REQUESTING BACK UP IMMEDIATELY. DO YOU READ? REQUES--"

"Commissioner!" A young police officer saw something moving, slithering along the shattered glass. Something not quite human (well duh), almost reptilian the way it moved, shiny and skeletal limbs...He opened fire...

And missed.

Dodging the bullets, the creature wound around, snaking around his hand and crushing it, tearing his arm off at the elbow and red glistening threads jamming themselves into the bone. Long and rope-like, ripping the muscle off his appendage as the skin melted off, five tentacles rippled over the fingers, reaching for the gun.

BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!

Two officers in front took shots to the chest as the creature sprouted eight new legs, and sucked their flesh off their bodies like some demented figment of an octopus, much like one who ate the living room furniture. Needless to say, after such a fulfilling meal, the spindly branches were no longer quite so spindly. Layers of skin were rippling over, purple skin.

Three shots fired, two police down, which meant...Who else had been shot? Here, we get to _why_ Assistant Commissioner Royd Bergren, hereby referred to as AC Royd Bergren, and his division were failing miserably.

Perhaps because some person of the police department failed all his admittance exams or because it simply is a convenient plot device, there happened to be a truck of some sort, which had gone through the roadblock of police cars, carrying an important load of chemicals.

That final shot hit the truck, smack-dab in the middle.

BOOM!

The result of being ignited from the eight-wheeler and breaking beakers of dangerous, toxic acids and whatnot was a large explosion wiping out the entire East Side. This includes the Hotel Imperial, which the Miss Libuse Hudec was staying at.

Buildings were toppling like stacks of cards, some because they _were_ stacks of cards, curtsey of famous magician Mumbo. Luckily, the ambassador's daughter was huddled alongside the police barricade, but her luck ends here.

"GET HER BACK! PULL BACK!" Royd Bergren yelled furiously as another splotch of chemical mixture took out another a massive chunk of building, showering them all with dust as the solid concrete supports toppled, destroying half the street. "GET THE GIRL OUT OF HERE!"

Police officers gathered around the large hole, where the creature had last been binging its thirteen tentacles off. "Is it dead?" A paramedics lady squinted in the distance, in addition to the cars and buildings, the collapsing pillars had taken the burning chemical truck.

"No...Impossible." Her eyes widened as suddenly, the remaining street was blasted with an explosion, tumbling as cracks split the road in two and red fleshy legs emerged.

Libuse Hudec was screaming in broken English. "HELP! Police, Mister Bergren!"

Two tentacles were dragging her vocal cords from her throat, her skin bubbling, oozing as it melted off her bones. Her eyes were dilated, blood trickling from the corners of her mouth, her broken ribs puncturing her lungs and allowing the maroon-ish fluid inside to spill as her face swelled.

"Help...me." Her body convulsed, fleshy veins twisting around her already broken neck as it suddenly exploded, spraying the street and burning holes into the buildings.

Apparently, the monster had absorbed some acidic chemicals during his trip in the blasted hole.

"Dammit!" Bergren cursed. Libuse's skin had completely peeled off but some alien membrane had spread itself over her body, purple strands of bloodied flesh flailing where the acid had eaten through her organs and was dissolving as it formed into some sort of creature

"This is the AC. Call the Titans. NOW."

And _that_ is why there was no police to interfere which Mumbo's mad robbing spree.

Now _this_ is why the Titans or rather, Raven won't be aiding the AC anytime soon.

Of all things created to torment the Titans (bath time, Barney, doors that could be broken into by mere toddlers) a murderous man-eating monster that strongly resembled the foul mess of tofu sludge was not very extraordinary.

All our beloved heroine had to do was to get incurably angry and dump the stupid thing into the next dimension. Of course, you wouldn't think that to be difficult when a toddler steals your bra and poke holes in your pantyhose for the flagpole to go through.

But it is, seeing as how Raven has finished with her shower only to find that her towel and clothes have be taken hostage by a bunch of immature brats and a ear-splitting ruckus has been raised by the "We need your help, Titans" alarm.

And they didn't leave her shoes!

What had she expected?

These were babies she was talking about...No worse, TITAN babies.

Babies with superpowers.

They hadn't the grain-sized bit of morals to spare a few crumb carrying ants from cremation, which is why Beast Boy has a miraculously missing patch of fur and a considerable burn.

They probably couldn't even pronounce the word!

M-O-R-A-L-S.

So now our heroine is in the same predicament as Beast Boy was quite awhile back (chapter one), except that he had a towel to aid him.

Swearing vengeance on all horrible, room-redecorating, cape-abducting babies, Raven teleported to her room, hoping the almighty gods had some decency to leave her spare outfit intact so she can don it and hurry to fight the evil sludge monster. (By herself of course, what would the city say if they saw the Titans, as...BABIES?)

Three words.

No

Such.

Luck.

And so a mad cackling glee was heard in the tower, or is it just my too-fat-to-fly self?

A/N: WORLD DOMINATION! May disclaimers be sat on by elephants!


End file.
